


It's Too Late to Start Over

by v_amber



Series: i will take a hammer and FIX the canon [2]
Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse, Drinking, M/M, and if he worked thru those he'd be less of a piece of shit, and there may be some continuity things from the last fic that may confuse u if u havent read it, and work thru his issues, but nothing major so ur prolly fine, do the kittens count as ocs, he's a piece of shit but there's reasons he's a piece of shit, im not gonna villainize murdoc but im not gonna woobify him either, just be warned they have a cat named toothpick, like man., murdoc finally gets some damn therapy, murdoc is NOT shipped with anyone in this fic thanks, so yeah we're gonna give him therapy, this is the second part of a series but like u could read it as a standalone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-06-17 23:56:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15472920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/v_amber/pseuds/v_amber
Summary: Murdoc's back, 2D's pissed, and Ace is overwhelmed. It's a little late for Murdoc to start over again, and he knows that; but is it also too late for him to try to repair the relationships he has?





	1. Welcome Home?

**Author's Note:**

> here we gooooooooo

Stuart dropped the glass he was holding. This couldn’t- no. It’s not true. “He… what?”

 

“He’s been released from prison.”

 

No. No, no no no no no no, this couldn’t be happening, things were going so good, he was so happy- _fuck_ he was so happy-

 

“Bluebird?” Ace sounded concerned.

 

Stuart took in a shallow breath, and looked down, at the shards of glass littering the floor of the bar. This couldn’t be happening, why were they letting him out so soon? It had only been _months_ , why were they- how could they- how could he have-

 

Ace called out to him again. He looked at him, but didn’t quite.. see him. He felt cold and detached and he had to get out, had to breathe- he couldn’t _breathe-_

 

He staggered out of his barstool, ignoring Ace and Noodle’s concerned shouts and charging for the door. He burst out in the open, flinching away from a couple pigeons he’d startled, and swallowed thickly. This had to be… some kind of joke. Some kind of sick, twisted joke. Superstar status or not, there’s no way Murdoc could have gotten out of prison so soon, right? Right. All he had to do was go back inside and call Noodle out for her not-so-funny joke, and they’d all laugh and go back to having a merry time. 2D would pay for the glass he’d shattered, and Noodle would apologize, and Ace would pat his back like he did whenever Stuart got stressed.

 

Because it was all a joke, it had to be, right?

 

He turned around and was about to make his way back in when Ace came out, and they bumped into each other. Ace looked startled, and placed a hand on his shoulder.

 

“You alright Blue?” Ace sounded too serious. Much too serious for a joke.

 

Stuart looked into his eyes, searching for some sign of mirth, of that playful glint they got when they were messing with each other. But he found nothing.

 

“I… that depends.” He narrowed his eyes, watching Ace’s reaction. He looked… concerned. Purely and truly concerned.

 

So it wasn’t a joke.

 

He practically short-circuited, leaning forward and burying his face into Ace’s chest. He had to bend down a little to do so, but it was always comforting. he felt Ace wrap his arms around him, and let himself be held.

 

He let Ace take over his senses, let himself stop feeling for just a moment.

 

That moment was quickly broken by the sound of Noodle exiting the bar. “I paid the tab, let’s call a cab and get home,” She sounded exhausted, which was fair, considering she’d had a lifetime of dealing with old men acting like melodramatic teenagers, and even now wasn’t getting a break.

 

Stuart slipped out of Ace’s arms, instead grabbing one of his hands and giving it a gentle squeeze. As much as Ace always insisted he was fine, Stu knew the man was susceptible to his own bouts of anxiety. Ace smiled gently at him, and they waited as Noodle hailed a cab.

 

On the way back Noodle explained.

 

She explained how Murdoc texted her, how he said that they should “be ready” for him tomorrow. She continued saying things, but Stuart didn’t pay much attention after the be ready part. It felt… too much like a threat. And he was not having that. With a little huff, he pulled out his phone to text Russel, not wanting to hear any more.

 

2D < [how u feelin]

 

Russ < [Still sick, but better]

 

2D < [thats good]

2D < [so…]

2D < [have you heard the news?]

 

Russ < [About Murdoc?]

Russ < [Noodle told me earlier]

Russ < [She just tell you?]

 

2D < [yeah]  
2D < [on our way back now.]

 

Russ < [This early? Something happen?]

 

2D < [nothing]

 

Stuart sighed and shoved his phone back in his pocket, and tuned back into the conversation. Noodle and Ace were discussing living arrangements, and where Ace would stay with Murdoc back. Not to mention _if_ he would stay.

 

God, the man wasn’t even back yet and Stuart’s perfect world was already falling apart. He didn’t wanna think about Ace not being in the band anymore- it was just- too much. Though, he supposed, since they were boyfriends he had a reason to invite Ace over as often as he wanted.

 

“Murdoc’s definitely going to want his room back, that’s a given,” Noodle rested her chin in her hands and hummed. “I do wish we’d gotten more than a day’s notice to move your stuff.”

 

Ace nodded. “Yeah, I don’t mind moving out, wasn’t my room in the first place.”

 

Stuart huffed. Ace was way too upbeat about all this.

 

He must’ve noticed his irritation, because he slid an arm over his shoulders.

 

Noodle sighed. “But where will you stay then? I don’t want to kick you out completely, but we don’t have any spare bedrooms.”

 

Ace shrugged. “I could try to find an apartment nearby?”

 

Stuart finally joined the conversation. “He could stay in my room? We already share a bed most of the time anyways,”

 

Ace nodded. “Yeah- yeah, that would work- all I really need is a place to sleep and a corner to shove my stuff in,”

 

Stuart knew Ace was gonna suffer at the loss of his private space, and a small part of him was already starting to harbor more malice, knowing they wouldn’t have to deal with this if it weren’t for Murdoc. They wouldn’t have to deal with a lot of things if it weren’t for Murdoc.

 

Ace ushering him out of the cab broke him from his train of thought- they were back already, it seemed. Once the driver was paid and drove off, they all sauntered inside, quiet as to not awake Russel who was out cold on the couch.

 

He’d had to stay home due to a small bug he’d caught, and they’d set him up on the couch with everything he might need. It took a lot of reassuring from him to convince Noodle he’d be fine, and he finally got her to leave when he exasperatedly exclaimed that he “was an adult for christ’s sake,” and could take care of himself.

 

Noodle pulled his blanket up and tucked it around him, and planted a small kiss on his head.

 

They’d come home much earlier than originally planned, but none of them really felt up to much besides crawling into bed. So, with their goodnights spoken, that’s exactly what they did.

 

Or at least it’s what they were _going_ to do before Russel shouted from the living room.

 

2D jumped, shirt already halfway off, and looked to Ace who was already making his way out the door. He ripped his shirt the rest of the way off and quickly followed.

 

What was happening? Did Murdoc come back early? Was Russel’s bug flaring up? Did they need to take him to the ER? Stuart’s mind raced as he and Ace rounded the corner, and-

 

kittens.

 

Russel was pointing at… kittens. Specifically Toothpick and her kittens. She was curled up under the coffee table on top of an old newspaper and a discarded shirt, around four little kittens.

 

Noodle dashed in right after 2D and Ace, and froze, staring at them. “I.. they… kittens?” She looked at 2D and Ace. “She was _pregnant?_ ”

 

Ace shook his head slightly in disbelief. “We thought she was just fat,”

 

Noodle looked back down where Russel was gently scooping a kitten into his hands, with Toothpick watching warily. They were tiny, and barely had any fur, clearly just born. Noodle dropped to her knees and scooted next to Russel, fawning over the kittens with him.

 

2D couldn’t really help but worry, though. Murdoc was coming back tomorrow and they had _newborn kittens_. Murdoc plus any kind of baby didn’t sound like a good combination. His head swam with all sorts of thoughs as Ace joined the others on the floor, holding a kitten as Toothpick watched them warily.

 

Eventually Ace tugged him down by his wrist and plopped a kitten in his hands.

 

It was so… small- its eyes weren’t even open yet. 2D smiled and pet its little forehead, laughing softly when it yawned and sniffed his finger.

 

The kittens were cute and all, but they were still tired and had a lot to do tomorrow; so after a few minutes they put them back down and all said their goodnights- again- and headed off to bed.

 

~~~~~~

 

The next day 2D and Ace got to work moving his stuff into Stuart’s room. They ended up tidying things a little while they were at it, and in the end his room felt.. altogether nicer to be in.

 

The clean-room glow didn’t last long, though; 2D was full of nervous energy that he just couldn’t seem to get rid of.

 

Today.

 

Murdoc would be back today.

 

He almost found it hard to believe; after Murdoc had been incarcerated everything previous had felt like just some bad dream. Like he’d finally woken up and realized that he was his own person.

 

Of course, he still had issues that he had to deal with- and still does- like the occasional bout of panic and irrational thinking, but he’d been getting better. And Ace was a huge help.

 

But really all they could do now wait- which became harder the longer the day wore on. They should have expected this from Murdoc; when did the man ever show up early? But, nonetheless, as time wore on, so did Stuart’s anxieties. He kept rolling the same thoughts around and around in his head and, though he appreciated Ace trying to help and distract him, it just wasn’t quite working.

 

Noodle was currently trying to contact Murdoc, as it was starting to get late and they were starting to get impatient. All of her texts and calls went unanswered, and she eventually gave up with an irritated huff, marching off into her room.

 

2D wanted to follow suit and hide in his room, but some new, confrontational part of him wanted to be there when Murdoc arrived, wanted to see if he would pull anything. Wanted to see how prison had changed him.

 

Judging by the various posts he’d somehow managed to make on social media it hadn’t affected his attitude much, but feigning a personality online was easy. Stuart wanted to lay eyes on him, see the real deal.

 

And it seemed his wish was about to be granted, if the sound of a car pulling up was anything to judge by.

 

The tension in the room could be cut with a knife as they all fell silent, watching the door.

 

There was a beat of silence, three deliberate knocks, and then the door opened before anyone could respond.

 

“Who missed me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asdlkjafklsgf okay ima get real w u for a sec here  
> sorry if i dont rlly update this.. as often as i should, school's starting soon and i'm having issues on top of that that i'm trying to work through so. yea  
> i will be trying my best to put out higher quality chapters in the future though  
> ANYWAYS now that my pity party's over, let me know what you thought in the comments! and you can find me on tumblr at v-amber-arts <3


	2. Hello Again my Dearest Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murdoc gets home.  
> And also gets smashed.  
> But what else would you expect from him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes hi hello sorry for taking a millennia to post the next chapter, i just had to settle into school before i started writing & posting again! so here u go babess

Ace looked from Murdoc’s toothy grin to his boyfriend’s twisted up face, already trying to internally work out some damage control.

 

He’d seen Stuart upset, he’d seen Stuart annoyed, and he’d seen Stuart crying his heart out. What he hadn’t seen yet was the level of pure, seething hatred that was on his face at that moment.

 

The second the door had opened his face had morphed from one of hesitant curiosity to one of absolute disgust, and it was chilling. He reached out and gently placed a hand on his arm, seeming to snap him out of whatever internal monologue he was in; Stuart flashed him a weak smile and grabbed his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

 

They both looked back to Murdoc, who still wore a wide smile, seemingly immune to the discomfort in the room. “What, no welcome party?”

 

Ignoring the lack of response, he sauntered over to where Ace and Stuart were standing, and shook Ace’s hand enthusiastically. “Nice to finally see ya in person, mate!”

 

Ace did his best to smile back, though it probably looked more like a grimace. This.. did not seem like the Murdoc Stuart had told him about. He watched as Murdoc turned to Stuart, who kept a stone cold expression, stepping back to keep the distance between them.

 

Murdoc’s face faltered for a second, showing a glimpse of something less-than-happy, before he slapped back on his plastic-y happy attitude and turned to Russel. Apparently Stuart had noticed the crack too, as Ace felt him stiffen next to him.

 

“Russ! Good to see the big man again,” He went in for a one armed hug which Russel awkwardly reciprocated, seeming just as put off as Stu and Ace.

 

Noodle came back in, having probably heard Murdoc speaking, her phone still clenched in one hand. Murdoc saw her and threw his arms out.

 

“Ah! Noodle, love, come give your old man a hug,” He walked towards her but she placed a hand on his chest, stopping him.

 

“Why did you not answer your phone?” She pinned him with a hard stare, and his face slipped again. 

 

He didn’t bother fixing it this time, letting it fall into a more unamused expression. “You knew I was coming back today, that was good enough.”

 

Before she could respond he wandered off, rummaging through the cabinets in the kitchen. “Now that we’ve got all the formalities out of the way it’s time to celebrate! Let’s get  _ smashed _ ,”

 

Ace blinked and glanced at the other’s faces, a little shocked. He just- he just made the switch? Like that? There was no way he couldn’t sense the tension in the room. But then again, no one else was objecting.

 

Was this normal for him?

 

Murdoc trotted back into the living room, having found himself some alcohol, and put on some music, unceremoniously thunking the case down on the coffee table. He pulled out a bottle and threw his head back, taking a large swig, and Stuart scoffed, having finally had enough and leaving the room

 

Ace froze up for a second, slightly torn between going after his boyfriend or watching the increasingly tense scene play out.

 

In the end his concern won, and he rushed off after 2D.

 

~~~~~~

 

Russel sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose for what was probably the thousandth time that night. After 2D had left Murdoc seemed to be in an even more sour mood, and had quickly drowned himself in whatever alcohol they had. 

 

It was near-painful watching him drunkenly try to rope noodle into a dance with him, swaying clumsily to whatever pop song was playing at the moment. She shoved him away for the third time that night, and he gave a small huff before speaking.

 

“Noodle, love, won’t you dance with me?” He reached forward again, and Noodle seemed to have finally had enough.

 

“Stop it, Murdoc. I do not want to dance with you.” She practically spat at him before spinning on her heel, and stalking off down the hall, bedroom door thudding closed.

 

Murdoc sneered and looked over his shoulder at Russel, who was now the only other person in the room. “What crawled up her ass and died?”

 

Russel heaved a bone-deep sigh and ran a hand down his face. Was Murdoc really that oblivious? Did he  _ really  _ have that little an understanding of how people felt? Or was he just neck-deep in denial?

 

Well, one way or another, he needed a wake-up call. “Murdoc, man, maybe it’s time you stop and take a look around yourself. Just think about how you’ve affected your relationships.”

 

And with that, Russel turned and left, leaving Murdoc alone in the living room. Hopefully he’d start to come to his senses.

 

~~~~~~

 

Alone.

 

Why was it that Murdoc always found himself alone?

 

He shook himself a little, growling under his breath. Whatever, he didn’t need them; he could party just fine on his own. He tossed his empty bottle aside and grabbed another one, taking a large drink, relishing in the old familiar taste.

 

Alcohol, his dearest friend; it would never abandon him.

 

He made another angry noise, gripping the bottle tighter. Who did Russel think he was anyways, telling him to “ _ look around himself _ ”? 

 

Fuckin’ self-entitled prick is what he was.

 

Sure he’d been an absolute ass, but the band still loved him, right? He wasn’t that bad, right?? Just believed in a little tough love was all.

 

At least, he assumed it was tough love.

 

Though, he had pulled some questionable stunts before…okay, a  _ lot _ of questionable stunts- in fact, the more he thought about it the more he realized he might very well be in the wrong here. And he wasn’t ready to be thinking about that- or any of the relationships he’d destroyed.

 

Yeah, fuck that.

 

He downed what was left in the bottle he was holding, and then cracked open another.

 

And another.

 

And, yet again, another.

 

And before he knew it, he’d drank everything they had, and was stumbling into walls and furniture left and right. About the 20th time he fell over he decided to just accept his fate and stay where he was.

 

Which was where again? He glanced from side to side and- right. Living room, coffee table. Kittens.

 

Kittens?

 

When did they get kittens?

 

He reached out and lamely poked one, and it squeaked in response. Swallowing thickly, he scooped it up- surprisingly careful for his inebriated state- and held it in his hand, feeling it purr. And, like any rational drunk man, he started to cry.

 

“You’re my last… last friend.” He hiccupped and pressed the cat against his face. “You won’t leave me because you’re a- a dumb animal. You don’t kn..ow any better.”

 

The kitten pressed it’s little paws to his cheek, putting some distance between itself and his snotty face. He continued babbling, not paying much attention to what it was doing.

 

Next thing he knew it was morning, he had a pounding headache, a kitten on his chest, and there were two people above him talking- much too loudly for his taste. Man, his alcohol tolerance had tanked since he was imprisoned; it normally took far more than that to make him blackout.

 

Ah, well. That’d be fixed soon enough if things kept going how they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> school is s o m u c h e a s i e r this year im so grateful for that. i have dual enrollment english and physics, honors math, spanish 4, intermediate art and plain ole cp history. BUT enough of me rambling ab my life!  
> thank u for reading, please let me know what you thought in the comments! you can find me on tumblr at v-amber-arts, where i will be making a post each time i update <3 <3 sorry again for taking like a whole ass month to update but you know how it is, life n all  
> i know the ending is abrupt but eh  
> oh also if u see any typos or anything u can lemme know in the comments lol ive knda been tired lately


	3. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas hos heres a chapter

Ace had woken up to a very ill-looking Murdoc knocked out in the living room with a very content-looking kitten asleep on top of him. He had been debating whether or not to wake him up when Noodle strolled out, breezing by them like a near-dead Murdoc on the floor was a regular occurance.

 

Was it?

 

“Ey, uh, Noods? You think he needs some help?” Ace looked up at Noodle, who simply continued rummaging through the kitchen.

 

He was starting to wonder if she’d heard him when she finally spun around with a poptart hanging out of her mouth, speaking around it. “Nah, he’th fine,”

 

“He looks like death itself socked him in the face- how much did he even drink last night?” Ace poked him with his toe and watched Murdoc grunt in his sleep.

 

“With Murdoc there’s no telling.” Even with her nonchalant answer Noodle did seem to be paying more attention. She walked into the living room and stood next to Ace, looking down at Murdoc with him. “He does look worse than normal, though.”

 

“..Normal?” Ace lifted an eyebrow at this. Murdoc getting this shitfaced was common enough to be normal?

 

“Well, yeah, he’s  _ Murdoc _ . Alcohol is basically half his personality.” She gave him a prod as she spoke.

 

Ace was about to respond when Murdoc groaned and shifted. Both of their attentions snapped back down to him as he dragged a hand down his face.

 

“Murdoc?” Noodle gave him another prod.

 

“Blo-ody hell would you- woulda knock it off?” He gave a halfhearted swat at Noodles foot and cracked his eyes open.

 

“Just had to reassure Ace you were not dead.” Right, because Noodle definitely wasn’t concerned. Ace continued to hover nervously over Murdoc as she strode off once more.

 

Murdoc squinted up at him. “And what do  _ you  _ want?”

 

Ace froze up for a second. “Well I- do you- do you need any.. help?”

 

Murdoc stared at him like he’d grown a second head.

 

They sat in an uncomfortably long silence until Ace nervously shuffled away. “Uh- okay.” Guess Murdoc didn’t want any help.

 

He escaped to the kitchen where Noodle was, the two of them sharing a much more comfortable silence.

 

~~~~~~

 

Eventually everyone was up, and things weren’t much better off. Stu stubbornly refused to acknowledge Murdoc’s existence, who seemed to be coping by aggressively petting a kitten. Ace would have been worried if it wasn’t purring so loudly. The other kittens had taken a quick liking to him as well as he kept flicking bits of food down to them; Toothpick remained steadfastly with Stu and Ace though, watching him wearily.

 

Ace figured the best way to break the tension was with a nice, non-controversial topic. “So I guess we’re gonna have to look for some new homes for the kittens?”

 

“No.”

 

Ace started and looked over his shoulder to find Murdoc fixing him with a hard stare. “We will not.”

 

Ace blinked a couple times- from everything 2D had said he didn't pin Murdoc as the animal type. “Okay uh- guess not.”

 

Ace jumped again at the hand on his shoulder. “Do whatever you want, Ace. Murdoc doesn’t tell you what to do.”

 

“It’s alright Stu, I don’t mind having the kittens around,” Ace meekly attempted to diffuse the situation, though 2D didn’t seem too pleased with his response and left the room.

 

He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

 

~~~~~~

 

The day had been passing incredibly slowly- at least it seemed that way to Ace. 

 

He was heading into the kitchen to grab food for Toothpick when he ran into Noodle for the umpteenth time.

 

“I think you were right,” She watched him unwaveringly.

 

“I- about what?” Why was everyone acting like they were out of a soap opera today?

 

“About Murdoc. And help. I just- growing up with him, this is how he’s always been. But he doesn’t have to be. Maybe he doesn’t  _ want _ to be.”

 

Ace was taken off guard by how intense Noodle was being. “Ah- well uh, what now?”

 

She paused. “I do not think he would agree to professional help. He hates talking about feelings with us, the closest he has to family, let alone someone he’s met five minutes ago. So I don’t know where to go from here.”

 

Ace looked away as he thought. That would be a problem, wouldn’t it? He would ask Stuart for advice but, well- he had a tendency to clam up or storm out when Murdoc was brought up.

 

He supposed for now, they were at a bit of a standstill.

 

~~~~~~

 

Murdoc listened as he heard his name. 

 

He listened as Noodle talked about him, and he listened as she suggested he wanted to change.

 

He listened as Noodle explained he wasn’t one to open up, and as she gently but pleadingly asked Ace for help.

 

He listened to the silence that followed,

 

and he listened as no one knew what to say,

 

or what to do with him.

 

And when the silence stretched out too long, when he got tired of listening to the gaping nothingness, he turned and left

 

forgetting why he’d even been headed for the kitchen in the first place.

 

~~~~~~

 

It was late in the night- or early morning?- and Murdoc was exhausted and irrate after rolling words like “therapy” and “psychiatrist” around in his head all day.

 

He didn’t need a psychiatrist, he was  _ Murdoc _ , he kicked ass and took names and had a fuck-you attitude no one could penetrate. Therapy would destroy his image, hell- it would destroy who he  _ was _ .

 

Without this, this part of him, who was he? Just some sad green prick with a guitar. For all his theatrics and bravado he really did rely on this near persona of a personality to define him.

 

Ace had known him maybe 24 hours, who did he think he was forcing his way in and trying to tell Murdoc what was good for him?

 

Fuck it, why not ask someone who HAS known him for years. Russel had been all high and mighty when he’d first gotten home, why not ask him to elaborate on that.

 

So, in all his sleep-deprived, pissed off glory, Murdoc stomped down the hall and pounded on Russel’s door. He kept banging until it finally flew open to reveal a sleep-rumpled, similarly angry looking Russel.

 

It was now that Murdoc realized his plan wasn’t flawless. It didn’t exactly fit the Murdoc-persona he was panicking over just two minutes ago to come knocking on his bandmate’s door at assfuck in the morning because of an identity crisis. Besides, what was he supposed to say anyways? ‘Hey, you were right about me being an absolute shit and I want advice now’? Murdoc did not give in to petty arguments.

 

But then again, he wasn’t acting much like himself in the first place.

 

“You gonna tell me why you woke me up at the crack of dawn or you gonna keep standin there with your fist in the air?”

 

Murdoc put his hand down and straightened up, clearing his throat. “Well, Russ my old pal, consider yourself lucky-”

 

“Cut the shit.”

 

He sighed and hunched over, avoiding eye contact. “What did you mean when you said I should look at my relationships?”

 

Russel sized him up for a second before stepping aside. “Alright, come in.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“I said come in. And do it before I change my mind and go back to bed.”

 

Knowing Russel, that wasn’t an empty threat. Murdoc shuffled quickly in and Russel shut the door behind him, and sat on his bed. “So I finally got through to you?”

 

“Just thought I’d entertain your little game-”

 

“Murdoc, if you don’t respond to me seriously we can’t get anywhere.”

 

“Sorry. Er, coping mechanism.” Murdoc wasn’t sure what shocked the sudden honesty from him. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe it was because he felt vulnerable from asking for help for the first time in who knows how long, maybe it was hearing Noodle and Ace’s conversation, or all of this together with Russel snapping at him on top of it.

 

Whatever the cause, Russel seemed to take it in stride, which Murdoc was silently grateful for. 

 

“So. You’re not an idiot. You do know all the screwed up stuff you did is… well, screwed up, right?” When Murdoc remained silent, Russel kept continued. “So it really shouldn’t come as a shock to you that… well, we’re a bit tired of it.”

 

Murdoc shifted uncomfortably. Was Russel just gonna go on like this the whole time? Did he invite him in so Murdoc couldn’t escape his criticism? He didn’t have much time to wonder before Russel went on.

 

“I’m gonna be honest, I’m surprised you’ve finally pulled your head out of your ass enough to listen to me. Was it prison?”

 

Murdoc remained silent, still not sure what to say.

 

“You know, Noodle came to talk to me. She was telling me about how Ace was concerned about you. I think she wanted me to reassure her, tell her you were fine, that you were just being.. well, you.” Russel sighed and leaned his face in his hands. “I wouldn’t say she sees you as a father figure. Maybe some… some kind of close uncle. But either way, she cares about you man.”

 

Murdoc swallowed thickly.

 

Russel kept going.

 

“You’re getting old. Too old to keep avoiding your problems like a child, too old to keep taking your issues out on 2D, and too old to keep treating your body like shit. Honestly, you got too old for all that years ago.”

 

Russel leaned back and looked at Murdoc once more. “I’m not trained to deal with this stuff, Murdoc. I know you had an awful childhood, and I know that’s a factor in how you act and treat others now. This is something deep-seated in you that you can’t fix by talking to me once.”

 

Murdoc wasn’t sure how he felt at that.

 

“You need help, Murdoc.”

 

He didn’t- he, he was fine. He was Murdoc, he was fine.

 

“Professional help.”

 

Murdoc startled himself with the tear running down his cheek. He cleared his throat and turned around. “I, uh. I’ll think about that.” He walked to the door and paused, hand on the handle.

 

“Uh… thanks, Russ. I know I uh…” He cleared his throat again. “Thanks.”

 

He left and closed the door behind him, leaving Russel with a mind too full to go back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i know its been like.....literally half a year since ive updated sorry a lot of shit happened lol  
> uhhhhh my antidepressants got doubled, ive been put on anxiety meds and i got diagnosed with add ? and i also dropped a shitton of classes lol  
> uh let me know your thoughts on this chapter and characterization and stuff, thank you for reading  
> as always you can find me on tumblr at v-amber and v-amber-arts, where i will post every time i update  
> hopefully updates will happen more frequently  
> sorry the ending was kinda rushed i hfaugskj filmkergmtk


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